It’s 11:20 and I’m finally sitting down to write this blog post. I’ve had a crazy afternoon. I was in a car accident with my mom after going shopping. Some idiot thought he had an arrow because the guy in front of him turned at the light and turned out right in front of me. I honked all the way through the intersection and slammed on the breaks but he still turned and even stopped in the middle of turning almost so that I would hit him. That’s not what this post is about though. This is about how BPD is a super power.
I should start out by saying I 100% believe that people have powers, and some people have abilities that are beyond
normal. I am one of those people. I actually have a familial history of witches and supernatural powers. On my mothers side one of her grandfathers could blow fire out of people (I’m not quite clear on what that means, that’s just how my grandma explains it), and her grandmother was a healer. Unfortunately, she passed away before she was able to pass the knowledge along to my mom. Traditionally it is passed along to the eldest woman every other generation. That being said, BPD also offers it’s own version of super powers.
I have quite a few gifts, most of which are connected with each other. I can feel and sense people’s emotions, not just the living, I can also feel the energy in a place that something extreme has happened in. Not just the bad energy, which is by far the worst and most draining, I also feel the good, happy energy. In addition to feeling emotions and energy I have prophetic dreams and senses. I have had dreams about talking to people months before even meeting them. I know they say that you can’t dream about someone you’ve never seen before, that your subconscious remembers every face you’ve ever seen in your life, and that’s where the random people in your dreams come from. Not me; I see the exact people I haven’t met yet and we’ll be having a conversation about something that means nothing to me at the time. I never remember the dreams until I’m in the middle of the conversation, then it’ll hit me; I’ll look around me and see everything that I looked around and saw in my dream, the words the other person/people are saying are exactly the same, I could quote them like the Doctor on Midnight (BBC show if you’re not in the know, also if you’re one who’s on the out, it’s bigger on the inside!) while they’re talking, and I already know what I’m going to say next. It’s like an extreme case of Déjà vu that happens very frequently.
Now, back to my accident. I was talking to a friend that I had made tea plans with this afternoon about it and while I was saying something, like literally mid-sentence, I realized I’d had that conversation before. Everything about the phone call was exactly as I’d experienced it before; me laying on my stomach, looking at my hand writing on the information exchange ticket the police gave me, talking about how I still needed to call the insurance company about it, glancing around at the Sam’s Club size box of snacks nearby, and my kitten playing with her pipe cleaner at my feet. I feel like I had that dream last year sometime, it usually doesn’t take me very long for it to hit me, but this time it was like a foggy remembrance. It’s not always the same, and for some reason sometimes it’s scary…I still haven’t figured those ones out yet. I feel like those ones might all be connected together and will lead to my death or some shit, I don’t know, it’s just a strange feeling I get.
Another time, with the empathy gift, I was in the process of moving into a new place and stayed my first night there. I always get weird vibes when moving into a new place, especially when there’s not really anything in the house yet, so I didn’t think anything of it when I felt like someone was watching me go to sleep. I woke up part way through the night terrified out of my mind, sweaty all over, unable to move, and I had the sense that something very terrible was going to happen to me. Never in my life had I ever had a night terror, and I’ve never had another since. I went to a teacher of mine who I knew through friends is Wiccan and would know better than me how to handle that type of thing, or at the very least point me toward someone who could help me cleanse the house. She told me of some tricks to cleanse the space of evil, a wind chime, burning sage, and some other things. I got some sage and followed the directions to cleanse my space, it worked perfectly; I only had a few incidents where I got a shiver walking into my room, or my dog wouldn’t come in, but never another night terror. A quick light of a sage smudge stick and we were back to being peaceful.
For the longest time I always attributed my abilities to my family ancestry, then I saw this video where a guy talks about “Bipolar as a Super Power” and I realized I am not alone, there are others who can do extraordinary things like me and don’t necessarily have ties to the supernatural.
I don’t believe that people “think” they can do things because of their “mental illness,” that’s not at all what I’m saying. I am more inclined to believe that because these people’s brains don’t “work right,” it allows them to see and feel and do things that other people can’t do; not unlike a mutation. It makes those people more apt to understand their fellow man and understand how and why certain things happen.
I also have the tendency to be a listener to strangers. People I hardly know will tell me their most deep and intimate problems with very little probing or encouragement from me. I’d like to think that I’ve helped some people, people that might not have had anyone else to talk to or really just needed to get something off their chest. It’s an additional part to my empathy I think, people are drawn to me for that reason. All of these things that I can do, or that just happen to me are exhausting, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. How boring life must be for people who can’t do or have access to anything that’s unexpected or “other.” No matter how terrified or exhausted I get or how embarrassing it is, it’s a part of who I am, it makes me me and different. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it until I die, there is nothing wrong with being different and being who you are and were meant to be. No matter what anyone else has to say about it, it’s your life to live how you like.
Just in time, it’s now 1am and time for this post to automatically post, just to sign off, finish my movie, and try to sleep!
Mutant and proud! Love you awesome nerds!