An Introduction (feat. Anna Kendrick)

Hello and welcome to my blog! Bonjour et bienvenue sur mon blog!

bad bitches

On this, my inaugural blog post, I would like to take the moment to set the stage (so to speak). My name is Candice; I have Bipolar Disorder, ADD, OCD, am a Capricorn and ENFJ or INFJ depending on my mood (I have officially taken the test multiple times and gotten both answers). All of these labels are used by society in an attempt to better understand the human condition and how the brain works. I, however, do not use them as a guide for me nor anyone else to live by. It took me a while, but I embrace my diagnoses and do my best to better understand, circumvent, and use them to my advantage whenever possible. 

**Disclaimer**

I do NOT agree with using such labels to define an entire person, labels in general mean very little to me…Slytherin, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw…maybe I judge Hufflepuff a little, but who has two thumbs and doesn’t!?

i don't care

I barely graduated high school *foreshadowing to future blog posts* and was in college for the better part of a decade. I have two BA’s; English and Theatre, neither of which I’m currently using (unless you count the writing of a blog to be use of the English Degree, in which case, “Hey Dad! I’m using one of my useless degrees!”). The emphasis of my studies was script writing, which I really do enjoy and would love to watch one of my plays one day; which reminds me, I was supposed to have sent one of my school projects to a friend of mine for his community theatre last summer (Sorry Stu! I’ll look for it after this…maybe). 

smiling

I have been in a predominantly manic state now since about…November last year. (For those of you not accustomed to Bipolar-speak: Manic; relating to or affected by mania; showing wild and apparently deranged excitement and energy.) This state can cause a serious lack of inhibition, ambition, motivation, and many other “-tions” that most people don’t have too much of a problem achieving. The fun, and sometimes attractive, attributes of mania can be misunderstood as “fun” or “normal” behavior. 

something terrible

However, when in a manic state many of these behaviors can be very destructive and even dangerous. Fortunately for me I haven’t made any seriously life threatening/changing decisions or mistakes. I’m one of the lucky ones.

knife throwing

I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist since January and we’ve been trying out a new medication. He’s been steadily increasing the dose since then; until this last visit he suggested a DNA test to see which sort of medications would work best with my body. (It’s worth noting that I had suggested this very test at our first meeting because I build up an immunity to medications quickly.) I used to be able to control my moods with birth control, but as I’ve gotten older my moods have been getting worse and worse. Now, even with the medication, I’m still fluctuating between mania, depression, panic attacks, and just a basic numbness so that I don’t feel anything. 

still hurting

Anyways, my main goal is to use the blog as a form of catharsis and to maybe reach others like myself who feel alone, misunderstood, and disconnected from everyone around them. Also, I am very interested in trying to raise awareness for all topics that for whatever reason are more taboo than saying “Voldemort” at a Quidditch match. (If you haven’t guessed by now I am a total nerd, consider this fair warning.) There is no rhyme or reason to this blog. I will be posting, hopefully, regular posts varying from memoir-style stories to updates of me and more often than not reviews on books/movies/TV shows I’ve seen or have come across. Until next time…

love you awesome nerds

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